Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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