Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
