my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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