i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
