I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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