I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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