No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
