guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
