i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
