now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
