Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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