My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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