....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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