Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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