I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
