just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
