I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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