Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
