dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
