All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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