haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She told me I should be a condom model.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
