I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
