Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
