Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
