I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
