don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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