Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
