i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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