Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
