remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
