The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I need to stop coming to work sober
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
