Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
