And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
