Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
