What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
