apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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