You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
