Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
