how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
being pregnant is like rehab
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
