you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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