he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
