just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
