I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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