So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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