dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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