They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
