Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
