I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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