I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
