omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
